I'm a Dude in a Chick's Body
by CranberryLolli
Summary: ... and vice versa. Seems like Primus decided to make life a living hell for Jazz and Arcee by switching their Sparks. No really. Please R&R!


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything!**

**Yippee! Exams are over! HAHAHA! *dances randomly***

"**Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" Damn right you are, OP.**

**This story is partly inspired by a local movie Just Follow Law, in which a man and a woman switched souls after an accident. Brilliant movie.**

**I am finally able to write a story without storing it away in my notebook's memory banks and leaving it to rot. Hope this goes well, so PLEASE REVIEW! :D I would really appreciate it, even if it is constructive criticism on my writing.**

**Once again, t****his is pure crack. Rated for sexual humour and language. :D**

* * *

The first thing that Arcee felt when she woke was pain. Pain, and an awkward feeling in her Spark.

She sat up weakly, feeling very heavy all of a sudden, and cradled her poor aching head. "Oooh…. What happened…?" Did she get wasted or something? No, she would NEVER drink high-grade ever in her beautiful life. A friend of hers got wasted and ended up in her berth with a mech. Stupid, horny mechs, always taking advantage of femmes when they have the opportunity. Psh.

A shudder from her Spark surged through her body – into her processor and right down to her feet – and then back to her Spark again. Arcee shook herself and groaned. Now damn, was that weird or what?

Optics online, she began to look around the room. CDs and video games littered the floor and posters of hip hop stuff, 'Decepticons suck!' and the like were pasted randomly on the walls. A Barney plush toy was at the end of the berth, staring at her in all its creepy glory.

"Why in the pit am I in Jazz's room?" Then horror struck her. "HOLY FRAG. That son of a bitch! I'm gonna teach him a lesson he shall never forget for seducing me into his room and doing Primus knows what to me and…"

* * *

Wheeljack sucked on his Energon ice cream as he read a datapad. Ah, the sweet sweetness. So blissful. He hasn't had one of these babies in over thirty minutes. As he passed Jazz's room, the door swung open and hit him squarely in the face.

"… rip his interface cable out and shove it in his slaggin' mouth and – eww… what the frag happened to you, 'Jack?" Arcee gave a disgusted look at Wheeljack whose faceplates were smeared with ice cream and biscuit bits. The frowning mech wiped the mess of his face with a napkin that appeared out of nowhere and grunted in annoyance. So much for blissful.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Pissed, the femme crossed her arms. "Well, YEAH, of course I do! I would like to know where that piece of shit is right now and what he did to me, thank you very much! Urgh, that pipsqueak, no good SLAGGER! I will shoot a cannon off in his aft and make him ENJOY it!"

"Err… so who is that 'slagger'?"

"JAZZ, THAT'S WHO! Now where in the PIT is he?"

Arcee stormed off like any femme would, you know, in that feminine, huffy way, towards her room. Wheeljack's mouthplates opened and closed like a fish's before he walked away silently. What the hell? Seriously, maybe he should bring up to Ratchet about the mentally unsound in the base…

"JAZZ! You better come out right now! I MEAN IT!" Arcee shouted as she charged her way past the other 'bots, who stared at her funny and decided whether or not to give a damn. The femme kicked down the door of her room with a random battle cry…

And stared at the body in front of her optics.

HER BODY.

* * *

Jazz groaned as he woke with a processor-ache, rubbing his faceplates and sitting up on the edge of the berth. "Man, I feel so fragged up…" There was a very weird feeling in his chest, his Spark was pulsing waves of energy that felt rather odd… and he felt small. REALLY small. Not that he wasn't, but still. Surprisingly, he didn't notice the collection of Three Day's Grace and Skillet CDs stacked neatly on a shelf, the girly magazines lying on the floor and even the pink Care Bear sitting oh-so-innocently next to him. Yeap, he didn't notice.

The mech absent-mindedly rubbed his chestplates to soothe the pain or whatever the feeling was, then realised there was something wrong with it. He looked down immediately.

"HOLY PRIMUS, why am I pink? And why in Primus' name do I have BOOBS?" Jazz began touching himself at various areas and felt things that didn't belong there. Like his 'boobs'.

He shot from the berth and dashed for the pink-framed mirror at the opposite wall.

PIT, HE WAS A FEMME.

To be more specific, he was ARCEE.

HIM, in ARCEE'S BODY.

"Oh mother-eff… what the slag happened to me? Oh no, my sexy, sexy face is gone!" Jazz gasped, flailing his arms wildly. "Hell, where's my visor! It's GONE! My sexy torso, my sexy legs, and even my sexy interface cable are GONE! AHHHHH!"

He stopped suddenly. Wait a damn minute… if this is Arcee's body… and she's a femme (plus a really smolderin' one, he daresay)…

"… Heh… heheheh…!" Jazz started to grin like a complete idiot – or a pervert, which was really disturbing – and groped HIS 'boobs'. He admired how slender and dainty HE looked, despite the hideous pink paintjob. He ran HIS delicate, female hands down HIS curvy figure and then inspected how shapely and smexy HIS legs look. Jazz struck a random pose and continued to grin like a complete idiot. Hey, payback's a bitch for what she did to his aft the other time (you don't wanna know what).

"MAN, this is DA LIFE…" he mumbled as he groped HIS boobs again, bathing in the glorious wonders of the female population.

Unfortunately, he was interrupted when the door that was kicked down with such force that it created deep spider-web cracks along the ground collapsed. A seemingly random battle cry followed suit.

"What the- Hey, don't you have any manners? Knock first!"

The smoke, which gave a cool and special but unnecessary effect, enveloped the figure that stood at the fallen door. Jazz crossed HIS slender arms and waited for the smoke to disappear so that he could give that guy a good glare. But that glare soon turned into a stare.

A stare of horror and disbelief, much to his dismay.

Jazz rebooted his optics and looked again. Nope, this wasn't happening. This was just WRONG.

His BODY now stood before him, arms akimbo and visor up. And if optics could widen to the size of Mars, that was how big the optics on his BODY looked like.

"Whoa… that explains the new body 'upgrade'. And here I thought that I was dreaming, or hallucinating, or that I had died and somehow, by some random, unearthly occurrence, woke up in this pink suit," Jazz deadpanned.

"J-J-Jazz? ..." Arcee whispered in horror, and slowly looked down at herself.

Well, THAT ain't right. Whatever happened to her beautiful hands? They were now replaced by some silver claw-like digits that were so not feminine-like. She touched her torso and found a very flat, wide and masculine chest. She then reached up and felt two horn-like thingies sticking up at the sides of her head. The now absolutely-panicking femme hastily felt around between her legs, and froze.

"Umm… be careful with my interface cable…?"

Arcee screamed.

* * *

A seriously stressed out Optimus was literally buried in a pile of datapads which needed to be assessed and filled out. Thank Primus he had Prowl here to help him, otherwise he would just DIE.

"Hmm… a report from Sideswipe: 'I got blinded by the moonshine and an armed gang of jellybeans robbed me'… What is this confounded piece of slag?" Prowl mumbled to himself angrily.

A piercing scream tore through the air and threatened to explode the mechs' audio receptors. Prowl dropped the datapad he was holding and cringed, trying to drown out the terrible pit-spawned sound by some way but failed miserably. Optimus twitched violently and gripped his datapad so hard it cracked.

In the middle of it all, the Autobot leader abruptly stood up and zombie-walked towards the door.

"… Sir? Where are you going?" Prowl tried to raise his voice over the high decibels of the scream.

"To Ratchet's for my medication," Optimus monotoned.

"Wow, the pressure's already setting in."

* * *

Jazz sighed inwardly when Arcee finally finished her screaming. She was now panting and gasping like a crazed lunatic. Well, she is one…

The femme bit herself to see if she was dreaming. She wasn't. Oh joy.

"Arcee… ya alright there?" the mech began in a small voice, afraid she would somehow lash out at him.

"Do you THINK I'm alright? I am in YOUR body, and you are in MY body! Care to explain that, punk?" the femme snapped as she stopped panting. Jazz could feel the hot fury emitting from her – HIS, erm, body, and hear the sounds of HIS cooling system starting up.

"How the pit should I know? I woke up like this! It's not like I want to randomly BE in your body! … Although, it feels kinda… NICE," Jazz admitted sheepishly with a tiny grin. There were a few seconds of silence as Arcee tried to comprehend what Jazz meant by 'nice' – the general feeling of being in her body or…

"You TOUCHED ME?"

"N-no-I mean not really, well… yeah… I –"

"How DARE you molest me! I'm telling on you!" Arcee pointed a digit at him threateningly. She looked downright serious, though.

"Psh well I can't help it, right? You touched ME too, dude! You touched mah son!" Jazz waved an arm at HIS down-there.

Flustered and agitated at where this conversation was headed, Arcee snarled, "Do you have any fragging idea how this –" She gestured wildly with Jazz's arms, indicating the entire situation. "- EXCHANGE happened?"

"I told you, I was like this when I woke up! I have no slaggin' idea!"

"I woke up like this too! URGH, this is just impossible! What is this random misery Primus has decided to bestow on our lives?" Arcee cradled her head with both hands and whimpered, "Oh my body…" Apparently having exhausted all that fury, she slumped down at a corner of her room and curled up into a Jazz-ball.

Jazz raised an optic ridge at the sudden calm and proceeded to plop his ass down next to her. He touched her shoulder in reassurance and comfort.

Well, he touched HIS shoulder, rather. It felt so… weird… seeing yourself right in front of your own optics without the help of a mirror or something. It felt wrong – looked wrong – in so many levels.

"What, what do you think we should do now?"

Jazz heaved a heavy sigh. "I honestly don't know, Arcee… do you think Ratchet will?"

"No-no harm in asking him…" Then she suddenly burst into tears.

"Aww… don't, don't cry! You know I hate it when femmes cry – it's my weakness!" And it was HIS optics that tears were leaking out of…

"Jazz, I'm just a little emotional right now, okay? I am in someone else's body, for Primus' sake! Look, I mean, after all of this is over, can I like get a hug from you or something?" Arcee wiped the tears off as they streamed down Jazz's faceplates.

"Yeah, sure… Anytime, babe." Arcee gave a small smile.

They stood up and pulled themselves together. "Remember, we have to act like each other, so nobody knows what happened. Alright?" Jazz whispered.

"I'll try… hey, do you think anyone heard our little, umm, quarrel just now? It was kinda loud."

* * *

Optimus, having taken his medication, now stood at the door of his office, staring at the slowly shrinking heap of horrors. There was still a lot to go, sadly. Prowl rubbed his head and set down his datapad to address his leader.

"Welcome back to the never-ending pile of nightmares, Sir. Didn't take you very long. How are you feeling now?"

"A little better, thank you –"

"_How DARE you molest me! I'm telling on you!"_

"_Psh well I can't help it, right? You touched ME too, dude! You touched mah son!"_

"_Do you have any fragging idea how this… EXCHANGE happened?"_

"_I told you, I was like this when I woke up! I have no slaggin' idea!"_

"_I woke up like this too! URGH, this is just impossible! What is this random misery Primus has decided to bestow on our lives?"_

Optimus was seemingly unaffected, and continued staring at his SiC blankly. Prowl was worried for his leader's health and disturbed by the underlying meaning of those… words.

"… Do I really wanna know?"

Optimus fainted.

* * *

**There you**** go. :) I know this is short, but hope you like it! I enjoyed writing it in the wee hours of the day when I was supposed to be sleeping but since I kinda turned nocturnal thanks to the exams I didn't care. :P**

**REVIEWS ARE VERY, VERY MUCH WELCOME! :D :D 3**

**See you at the next chapter, and have a nice day :)**


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